Remember in elementary school when teachers asked you to “Compare and Contrast”? We don’t intend to draw venn diagrams, but in honor of feeling what it’s like to be a kid again, we wanted to do some comparing and contrasting for ourselves. Today’s topic will be: “Basic Vacation vs. Epic Rendezvous”. Let’s begin. We’ll try to be objective.
Picture this. You wake up to the sound of a small human crying. Why did you bring your kids on vacation? Good question. Who knows. Certainly not you. At this point you’re already dreading the day. You don’t particularly feel like heading downstairs to pay for an overpriced breakfast consisting of second-rate sausage links and soupy eggs. So you shake your partner to take care of the wailing child and go back to sleep!
Your alarm buzzes at 6:30 sharp. Usually this would be the sound of Satan himself, but today, it’s a god-send. Because today… you’re a kid again. And that means you’re up and at-em early. There’s no concern about a potential hangover because morning mimosas are on the menu today. You remember the age-old advice: the best way to cure a hangover is to keep drinking. You’ll take that advice. After rising from bed and waking up your epic friends, you all grab a couple glasses of champagne with ever so slight dashes of OJ before continuing on for sunrise yoga. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and a new day is dawning at adult summer camp. The lake beckons you to scream “CANNNOOONNNBALLLLL”. If you weren’t already fully awake, that cold water is sure to drop some metaphorical mentos in your metaphorical coke bottle of a day.
You walk aimlessly along the beach, looking for a space that’s far enough away from other families so as not to give the impression that you’re interested in aimless small talk. Oh look at that, there’s a little souvenir shop along the way. Wouldn’t it be nice to send a snowglobe back to grandma and a shot glass back to Cousin James. $83.50 later and you have a bag full of meaningless items to give to people who don’t want them. You find a place to sit amidst the screams of small children and the splashing of a football thrown un-athletically by prepubescent teens pretending to be Tom Brady. You set up your chair and ask your partner about the itinerary for the remainder of the day. Then you remember that they suck at making itineraries so you say “nevermind” and remove a book from your beach bag. Who doesn’t love a good read with your toes in the sand? You get through 3 ⅓ pages before dozing off. Today seems promising!
After drying off from your epic cannonball, you chat with some cool folks about how relaxing morning yoga was. But the time for relaxing is over. You decide to try your hand at some axe-throwing and after hitting the bullseye on only your fourth throw, you decide to quit while you’re ahead. There are plenty of things to do at camp, and the pole dancing class certainly sounds interesting. What’s better than working out while looking sexy? After spinning around and around and around for 30 minutes, you’re a bit dizzy. That means it’s time to sit by the pool or the lake with a Bloody Mary. You meet some new friends basking in the sun, and they say they’re going to head out on the lake for a relaxing canoe ride. It sounds intriguing but the pirate’s ropes course is calling your name. You’re about to zip line into the evening Captain Jack-style.
Two words: overpriced dinner. Actually, one more word: reservations. Most of the evening is spent calling restaurants in an effort to find a place to eat that won’t charge you $18 for a cheeseburger. The only promising place in this God-forsaken beach town doesn’t quite have the most exciting ambiance. Service is slow…you’re pretty sure the waiter is high, and there’s a family in the booth behind you where a small child continuously pops his head over the ledge to stare at you. Creepy kid. You decide to order a bottle of wine in an effort to find life’s answer at the bottom of a glass. You don’t find any. But you do find a bill for several hundred dollars, most of which can be attributed to that bottle of wine that didn’t give you much solace. Looks like it might be another early night.
Two words: epic. rendezvous. After a quick nap in the cabin to recharge for a night of activities, you head back out onto the campgrounds to find a group of epic people playing poker. You’re not sure if this is standard or strip poker yet, but you suppose you’ll come to find out. “Deal me in.” They tell you that you missed the Lake Raft Race! Ehh, that’s ok, there’s plenty of activities to come. After you earn some play money and a whole lot of bragging rights from your new Epic friends, you head to the bonfire, where local musicians break out the guitars and throw it back. Their rendition of Jack and Diane really gets you going, and you ride that wave into Glow Freeze Tag. But the best part of the night is still to come: the legendary Lefevre Burlesque Show. We won’t provide too many details here because, well, that’s something you just have to experience for yourself.
Come experience what it’s like to make a true weekend getaway. Come experience the Epic Rendezvous.